Lorne's Diary:

41,239,393 (Year of the Flowers, February 2)

I'm not sure why I'm "writing" this, since there's nobody to read it and nothing to write it on, but after so many years I'm running out of things to think about. So, for whomever comes along and manages to read this psychic imprint off me, here's the story of this poor fool. Hopefully, this is one of my friends who actually cares. If not, go to hell and leave me alone.

Let's see...you probably want to know where I've been the last 40 years or so. Well, the short answer is that some bigwig, probably an Amberite, wanted a babysitter and decided I'd fit the part with a few little adjustments, like dressing me up in a tin can, sticking a bunch of voices in my head screaming orders at me, and locking me up in a crystal when I wasn't needed. Oh, and by the way...if you even think of breathing a word of this to anyone, I'll rip your voicebox out your #@@. If I ever manage to move on my own again. At least I've managed to wall part of myself off from the voices...just a little part. I'm pacing around that part for the 41,239,393rd time right now, and it's the same as it's been every time before.

I spend a hell of a long time just standing here, encased in the crystal, pacing around my head and doing other forms of mental thumb-twiddling. I think I've composed at least a half-dozen symphonies that I'll have to write down sometime if I get the chance. I got the occasional interruption and bit of light whenever she got herself into trouble. Then I'd go charging off to the rescue in my silver armor on my white horse...god, I've become a living stereotype. 'She', by the way, is Elayne, the girl I've been playing "knight in shining armor" for for all this time. The place is Toril, of course...home sweet home. Powerful magic, fantastic critters, and no flush toilets. Whoever stuck me here at least gave me some gear though; a horse, sword, and armor that felt like it'd really like nothing better than to make me sweat to death. Still, it let me pretty much wade through whatever was troubling her at the time. And she seemed to have a knack for getting herself into trouble too, especially when she was young.

I remember bringing her back once, after she'd wandered off and gotten cornered by some orcs. She seemed so tiny...not unlike little Liana was the last time I saw her, and she cried into my armor as I took her back to her 'parents' (I have some doubts that they're her real parents...otherwise why would an Amberite take such an interest?). There were plenty of other times too...a bully here, a monster there. It was kind of odd, seeing her so sparsely, a little more mature each time, but always sad, or scared, or hurt. I wonder what she'd look like smiling, or laughing...or even just content for a change. Still, I actually started to look forward to those times a bit...probably because it was the only chance I had to actually get a little air, and see the countryside. But I always knew that as soon as I'd made the problem go away, it was back in the closet for another endless stint in the dark.

I haven't gone out in an awful long time now...years, if the clock in my head isn't completely hosed. I always thought I made pretty good company, but I think I'm starting to drive myself up the wall. I wonder if she's still out there. God, it's quiet in here....41,239,395....41,239,396....

Year of the Flowers, June 26

It gives a guy a certain perspective, being a passenger in his own head for a few decades. You really come to appreciate some things...like eating, for one. Whatever the magic on me was, I didn't need to eat, so of course Kellis (that's the name that my knight persona had) didn't, and y'know...when you haven't eaten for that long, just about anything tastes good - even if it was just the veggies she made me munch. She found me eventually, you see, and broke me out of that crystal. Apparently she'd become some kind of high-mucketty-muck since the time I saved her from that poison arrow through the shoulder. Of course Kellis was all bowing and scraping to her...he's got to be the most singularly boring person I've ever known. Then again, you'd probably be boring too if you were stuck with only three thoughts in your head: "Protect Elayne!" "Obey Elayne!" "Respect Elayne!". I think I'd really like to strangle whoever wrote the script he's working from, with his "Can I help you?" and "I don't understand" at any question his programming can't handle...not only have they swiped my body, but they've stuck such a total simpleton inside it.

Anyway, she hauled me back to her castle, and I made a bet with myself on just how screwed I was: Three chances that she'd have me doing all her household chores, to two chances that she'd also decide to make me play Ken to her Barbie. Not that she isn't cute...she's actually grown into quite a hottie, in a blonde sort of way (you know I've always been partial to brunettes), but I just don't do doll.

Well, I lost that bet. Both ways.

Somehow, for some reason, she's actually decided to try breaking me out of this mental prison I'm in. Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. At first, it seemed like she was just thinking of me as a puzzle to decypher...that, at least, I could kind of understand. But then at dinner, she threw an absolute fit about how wrong this whole situation is, and how she didn't want a slave. She actually went off and cried about it; I don't think there's any way it could have been an act. Perhaps she's not of Amberite decent after all; I hear they have a hereditary lack of morals. And then she was even apologetic about instructing Kellis to go back to her castle so that she could try to break the spell! I'm beginning to think that I may just get out of this yet. One thing worries me though...the way she looks at me, I think she might be picking up a bit of a crush on this body o' mine. Not that I blame her, of course, but she is so not my type...and besides, it seems like she's probably mixed up in some big plot, maybe Amberite, and there's no way I'm going to let myself get involved in that! I did finally get to see what she looks like smiling though, after she took a dip in the lake around her castle...it lights her face up like a mountain sunrise. Bah, I've definitely been locked up inside myself for too long. Maybe I'll compose a little guitar number to pass the time.

Year of the Flowers, July 15

So near, and yet so far...

Sigh. It looks like she's given up. Not really unexpected, given that she was up against someone good enough to take me without a fight and set up all this mystic crap on me. Still, it seemed like she'd almost gotten it once...she actually made psychic contact with Kellis for an instant; apparently she's strong enough to do it, but doesn't really know how. But in any case, she made it inside, and I saw her, just for an moment. If she could do it again, I could tell her about shadow...tell her where the pathway was in Tabert's Inn. For her to decode them even as much as she has, the magics on me have got to be locked to this shadow. If I could just get her to take me out, I'm sure they'd unravel. Damn! What I wouldn't give to speak just one sentence with my own mouth!