Some people say that dreams are the mind's way of sifting through the day's events and memories. I have always been fascinated by dreams - why they happen and what their true purpose is. Part of me believes it's a mystical, spiritual happening -- that your soul leaves your body briefly to go on a journey. Or maybe it's just the brain's daily business; your body is paralyzed during deep sleep, as if the mind is in control of your nocturnal experience.

I don't consider myself a person who is tied to her past. But in some ways, I am a prisoner of what could have been. I have dreams several times a week, depicting the same theme: I'm with my old group again, and I am always wanting to join them, but they either ignore me or treat me badly. I'm always on the outside looking in, and it hurts. The words and the images presented on this site have nothing to do with love. What they have to do with is a part of my life that has passed; in a way, it's a eulogy, because I can never be who I was then and I can never go back - I can only move forward and evolve.

The mind is mysterious sometimes - it doesn't always listen to a person's resolve. I had decided to let this go, once and for all, but my mind couldn't forget.

So I started really thinking about those people and the circumstances surrounding their departure from my life and began writing poetry about it. The first poem that I wrote was called "a nocturnal paradox" and that's when I decided to illustrate the poetry with images.

This website and the images in it are very dark in nature. My concept was to do self-portraits and show me sleeping, reflecting, and being haunted by the dreams. I wore a nightgown and used high contrast, to make it stark and movie-like. Subsequent images will include a hazy fog (like "in a haze"), making the images seem dreamlike.

Another concept with this project is that although I am haunted by these dreams, they also comfort me in a way too. So you see it's a paradox.

Generally, I do a lot of self-portraiture which is highly introspective. I am always trying to find myself, figure out where I'm going, who I will become...and most importantly, where I've been. I tend to see the world very differently, sometimes in the dark side, which gives my imagery that gothic spin. I also have deep roots in religion, and sometimes churches and crosses show up in my work as well. I love bizarre stuff, the stranger the better (just look at any of my digital works), the color black, and roses. I like high contrast; the "movie-still quality" that to me shows the viewer a slice of someone's life. I usually set up my shoots (as opposed to candids) and I have a specific idea or theme in mind, and will carry it out in the best way possible to make the intended point.

And, I favor b&w photography because of its elegant simplicity.

I began studying photography at Wayne State University in Detroit in my junior year of college. It was actually just to learn darkroom so I could do press photography along with my reporting. But I learned fine art photography and fell in love...and was inspired and encouraged by my teachers and follow classmates. It was there that I discovered the artist in me, struggling to be let out into the light. It is also where I discovered what the value of a camera really is: my canvas where I can create imagery and also to capture time, and freeze it. That to me is what photography really is.

Sadly I couldn't finish my study at WSU; instead, I continued it on my own. However, I know that my study will never be truly over, for I will always be learning and creating new things. I have many new plans, many new ideas, and I'm sure that in some way or another, I will always be to show the world a piece of my soul in a photograph.


All the poems and images presented on this site are copyright 1999-2000 by Erin D. Conroy (me) and cannot be used and reproduced without her permission.

If you like a particular work and would like to use it for your own site or in a literary publication (either in print or online), please e-mail me and ask permission.

To see my other works, check these links out:

an exposed soul -- personal/portfolio
.shattered light. -- gothic
e-mail me

Please let me know what you think of this site. Sign my guestbook or e-mail me. It would mean so much to me to hear from you.

Thanks,
Erin D. Conroy
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